Quick Money in Penang (for Americans)

You know, thanks to the British media, one of perceived behavior that we Malaysians think most Americans have is that they will sue the ass out of you at any minor opportunity.

Bearing that in mind, if any of you Americans are reading, check this out:

This is a property listing on one of those online marketplace websites in Malaysia. I want to draw to your attention to that “1 min drive to Setia SPICE Arena” statement.

If you want to know which property this is, you can easily Google for “1080 square feet new condominium Sungai Ara”. I believe you will get 2 different property names. They are supposed to be side by side when their construction completes so the concept below still applies regardless. Or if you really want to pursue this, you can let me know in private after this.

Now, this listing is posted not by the developer itself, but by one of the many yahoo real estate agents in Penang. I can prove to you that this agent is lying through his teeth with this listing.

Here, see this Google Maps snippet:

This is the route from said new property to Setia SPICE Arena. As you can see, if you drive, it is 3.5 kilometers (2.2 miles) away.

Let’s ignore that 10 minutes indication because that is the estimated time on normal traffic times. Let’s assume it is 2 AM in the morning and the roads are completely devoid of traffic.

To drive 3.5 kilometers in 1 minutes, you will have to be going at 210 kilometers per hour (130 miles per hour). Bear in mind that the road is not straight, there are 5 corners to take, and there are 2 traffic light with potential to stop you. I can bet my testicles that not even a Bugatti Veyron can do this 3.5 km in 1 minute.

So, the property agent is lying. And here’s my proposal to you. You can call this agent up and buy said property through him, and then you can do what you do best by suing his ass off for lying. If you hire a good lawyer, I think you will have a 99.99% chance of winning. You’ll end up with a free condominium unit which you can then sell it off even at below market price and make a quick buck.

You can even engage me to provide more information, for a minimal fee of course.

Nice eh? 😉


PS: As you can see how I spontaneously decided to post up some random sarcastic bullshit for no good reason on a Friday night, I guess it is safe to say that I definitely am feeling a bit more… not to say motivated, but rather… a bit more inclined to make new blog posts at shorter intervals these days.

22 Comments

  1. Ok, you have spotted the typo or sales man BS. Did you ring them up posing as a big shot?

  2. Maybe the agent just made a typo and forgot the 0 in 10!
    But I am more intrigued about the “not affordable housing” in the title…

    • Here we have a category of housing called Affordable Housing. It is government stipulated, where a developer who wants to build expensive condos need to build a certain % of units that has to be sold for less than RM 400k. But to purchase these sub 400k houses, you need to meet certain requirements, eg Resident/Voter of that particular state, and salary less than certain level.

      • I see. We also have something simular in Spain and they are called “protection housing”. Not affordable housing sounds very funny when you see it on an ad if you don’t know what it is haha

        • The whole affordable housing scheme is a joke too anyway. Usually these houses go for RM 300k – 400k. That is still way beyond the affordability of fresh graduates or low income families. These houses usually end up having to be de-restricted and sold to everyone in the public.

  3. i’m not interested on that bullshit post but more looking forward to ur endnote…Am excited to see more posts to come at a shorter intervals!

    • Hahaha unfortunately seems like normal service is resumed. I am now busy for another thing. If things come to fruition I will share it. 😛

  4. wakakakaka…1 minute drive ar? maybe based on the day where the roads are all closed off and only for this one car to drive from A to B la. Plus the car F1 car kot….but the with all the potholes around…by the time reach there, the ccar Charn liao

  5. hahaha very funny post but i am sure your post contains many keywords that will get you many hits. dunno that agent that posted the said ad will look you up to say hi to you or not. ;p Enjoy your weekend!

  6. LMAO! Wakakaka Muahahaha…
    Why on earth you wanna bet your testicles???
    Oh well, that agent must have done a typo error missing a zero to make it 10 mins.

    • I highly doubt that. That place would be within view of SPICE. If you write 10 minutes, people will run away, even though that is the truth wakakaka! 😀

  7. Maybe if you fall for this scheme and pay the property agent, the next day maybe he change identity and lari cabut to somewhere else with the commission he earned. Only an idiot will fall for such advertising. I mean, buying house/flat. Surely you would do your research 🙄

    • For Malaysians, yes we will surely do research. That’s why I managed to churn out this blog post. 😛

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