I swiped Like on a Japanese lady on Tinder, and a short while later, my phone’s notification alert beeped…
Let’s continue with the story.
So, yeah… my phone’s notification alert beeped. At that point of time, I still did not suspect Tinder. After all, the alert sounds the same for any type of messaging alert, be it Whatsapp, FB Messenger, Google Hangout, and the good ol’ trusty SMS.
I unlocked my phone’s screen and saw that it was a Tinder alert, and it ranked up there as one of the most shocking moment of my life.
I mean, why would I get a match? Why would someone Like me back? I did not even use a highly doctored image of me resembling a hot hunk. It was a regular fatty photo of myself.
When I saw the match was Nao, the shock level skyrocketed even higher and if I was sitting in front of a mirror I would probably have seen myself look like this.
For a few minutes I didn’t know what to do. There were a bunch of questions and dilemma playing on the back of my head. Questions like:
- Should I overlook the match? Or should I initiate a conversation with her?
- If I start the conversation, what should I say?
- Am I going to get to fuck a Japanese lady?
- No, of course not. I’m not going to be fucking anybody. No, wait, is she expecting a fuck fuck session?
- How do I tell her I’m not into fucking without asking the in-your-face obvious and embarrassing myself in the process?
I even briefly went on Youtube to look up “How to say no to hookup on Tinder” guides. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any. Instead, every single fucking videos (no pun intended) were about “How to score a hookup on Tinder”.
Noooo!!! Surely not???
After an eternity (probably just a few minutes in real life) of sweat inducing, panicky mental breakdown, I suddenly realized that I shouldn’t give a shit about being upfront. It would be awesome to make friends with a Japanese lady. And if she was actually really just looking for sex, then telling her upfront that I’m not looking for quick sex would be fine. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Oh, sorry, I’m not into casual friendship, end of conversation, kthxbye. No harm done.
The rational me regained control and kicked the panicky sissy me to a corner and I started a conversation with Nao.
Now as our mutual interest is an anime songs singer, the actual conversation is riddled with technical otaku details and probably boring to most of you. Also, she’s Japanese so her English is… well… Anyway, so I’ll grammatically edit and paraphrase it for you.
You know what? Fuck this shit. I’m at a lost as to how to paraphrase this shit. I won’t do it. Basically I said hi, she said hi back, I told her I Liked her because of Maon-chan and didn’t expect a match, she told me she was vacationing in Penang and she that she was leaving for the airport later in the afternoon. That’s good news because it means no way this would turn out kinky, the time frame was too short even for a quick fuck.
So we made plans for coffee at a Starbucks near her AirBnb place.
After we made the plan and I got out from Tinder world, I panicked again. What have I done??? I just made plans to have coffee with someone whom I have never met and have not even known online for more than 10 minutes???
This was beyond my comfort zone. Wayyyyyy beyond my comfort zone. You see, I have met strangers before, but by strangers I mean online friends. People who I have been chatting with online for quite some time, so I was always fairly comfortable with the idea of finally meeting up.
This Nao, for all I know, could’ve been a Chinese prostitute or a Nigerian scammer or something…
I ended up driving to the meeting place, the Starbucks anyway. I’m not exaggerating when I say that at every traffic lights and every junctions, I entertained the idea of turning back, going home and cower. It was an intense mental struggle of epic proportions.
Even as I have arrived and parked my car, I spent a few minutes alternating between getting myself composed and fighting off the strong urge to just drive off and forget about this.
Eventually I managed to get myself out of the car and made my way to the Starbucks entrance. As I was pushing the door open, I noticed someone right behind me. So I turned around.
And there she was. The Japanese lady, Nao. She looked exactly like her pictures in Tinder. I was relieved.
We got our coffees and a slice of cheesecake to share, and got talking. Well, it was awkward in the beginning.
I mean, I was awkward in the beginning. You see, since way back when, I have had minimal practice with being one on one with someone of the opposite gender. More often than not, I would not know what to say, so it would either be awkward silence, or me embarrassing myself with small talks attempt. If you meet me for the first time, you would probably hear me ask “Nice weather today eh?” or “Do you like Dragon Ball?”.
At first I thought, it was extra foolish of me to date a Japanese lady for coffee. The language barrier would make matters worse. In hindsight though, it was foolish of me to worry about that, because the language barrier actually made things less awkward. Her struggling to string together English sentences, combined with my pathetic attempt at uttering Japanese words I learned from watching anime, actually made things less awkward.
We did not spend a lot of time at Starbucks. When she asked me for a good place to buy omiyage (souvenir), instead of giving her directions, I offered to bring her instead. Thinking back, I guess I should be surprised that she trusted me enough to get into my car. I guess I have a trustworthy face after all. 🙄
In fact, after we got her souvenir sorted, it was almost time for her to get to the airport, so I sent her back to her AirBnb place to check out, then sent her to the airport.
And then I went home and wrote the piece that I did yesterday and went out for dinner with some friends.
I guess that’s the end of the story.
Oh, by the way, Nao do like Dragon Ball. In fact she like watching anime too, in general. Figures. Kurosaki Maon is a singer that mostly sings anime theme songs.
What? You are disappointed with the boring ending? Well, I’m not sorry about it…
I guess it wasn’t so bad, as far as first Tinder experiences go. I met someone who share my interest with anime, and it wasn’t about sex.
And no, I really won’t show you a picture of Nao. Like I said, privacy issue, okay? She’s going back to Japan and I’m not going to Japan and we didn’t even exchange other forms of contact so I probably won’t ever meet her again too, I think. It was a one off date. We’ll see…
No, we won’t. I’ll be the only who will see… If at all there’s anything to be seen… 🙄
Although I can’t show you a picture of Nao, I can however show you a picture of this gorgeous lady who made my first Tinder date possible.
Damn she’s hot… And I really like her songs as of now…