I did not drive back home yesterday. Something came up and I ended up doing the drive early this morning.
Because of this unexpected turn of events, I suddenly had an interesting opportunity. I immediately informed my mom that I would not make it home in time for lunch. I will be having lunch outside.
I’m sure you can guess what I was up to by now, if you are a regular here?
The drive home today was stressful. The traffic was horrible. And by horrible, I don’t mean terrible jam. It was much worse than that.
I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say this is Malaysia, horrible traffic on the highways is normal. I’m telling you, I have been driving the North South Highway for 8 years now. I’ve driven it through the festive season, through school holiday season, through heavy downpour. I know how normal is like for this PLUS highway. When I say horrible, I mean much more horrible than the normal horrible.
See, it wasn’t the jam. In fact, there wasn’t much jam to contend with today. Today, the highway felt more like an extended obstacle course. Four straight hours of driving through obstacle course. I break them down to a few stages here.
Spartan WarriorsSingaporean Mercedes Stage – I don’t know what occasion it was for, but there were hundreds of Mercs along our PLUS highway. I caught many of them in the R&R areas, and even more on the roads. They all had a sticker on their door, something like Mercedes Touring Challenge or something, can’t remember the actual name. And you know how they move on the highway? You know our PLUS highway is for most parts, just dual lane? At any point of time, when they are moving, it would be at least 20 Mercs moving together in unison, in one line, going 140 km/h. You may think this is nothing, but what it does is it messes up with the other cars, trying to avoid them on the right lane, while also trying to avoid the big lorries on the left lane. It causes a domino effect of sudden acceleration and sudden braking that lasts for kilometers. And it wasn’t just one group of 20. It was many many groups of 20 doing this. I wouldn’t be surprised if the news tonight announce a bunch of accidents on the highway.
RoninRempits Stage – There was also another bunch that seemed to be having some sort of gathering today. The mat rempit bunch. From Penang all the way to Ipoh, I encountered clusters of bikes either going ridiculously fast or ridiculously slow. It was a hassle trying to avoid them. And in one instance, when I was trying to overtake a slow moving bike, suddenly a few of them converged upon me and sort of circled around me. I saw some other cars got the same shit too. I had to drive into a R&R to wait them out before proceeding again.
- Bus vs Lorry Racing Stage – It was one bus and one lorry, but I encountered them 4 times on my journey back home. I think it all happened when the bus overtook the lorry in a dangerous way, cutting in ahead of the lorry very quickly. The lorry immediately picked up speed and overtook the bus again. The thing is, once either of them did the overtaking, they slowed down. So both these large vehicles were always within striking distance from one another. I was behind them, but I was terrified to be behind them. So I quickly picked up speed and left them behind on an uphill part of the highway. Except I stopped at 3 R&Rs, each time I came out, they were ahead of me again. They must have been driving at 130-140 km/h all the way. How do I know? Because I was doing 125 myself (Oops!)…
Usually, when I drive the PLUS highway, I get to kick back and relax and sort of cruise all the way back to KL. The occasional speedsters and moron lorry drivers do not faze me. But today, between these 3 stages, I got no time for relaxation at all. I mean this literally. I was kept on my toes for the entire 4 hours, avoiding fast cars and bikers and big vehicles nonstop.
And you know what’s worst? When I finally arrived to capitalize on my opportunity, tired and hungry and mentally fatigued,
I discovered that the pork noodles stall did not open for business today!
God damn it! Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!!!
Actually I really wanted to blog about the glorious pork noodles today. But it did not happen. So I’m telling you terrible highway stories, because I did not prepare anything else to write about.
And so the wait… continues…… and I’m so damn pissed off right now! Arghhhhh zzzzz…..