Thursday Frustration

I’m frustrated with myself. I’m extremely frustrated with myself.

You know I have been writing a book, and making snail like progress? Well… it has been a couple of weeks since this has been bugging me.

When I set out to write this book, I was not (still am not) planning to sell it. I was going to make this book available for download for free. But I have one clear rule: I will only hit the Publish button if I liked what I’ve written.

I recently tried to read whatever I have written from the beginning, and guess what? I didn’t like what I have written. In fact, I didn’t like most of what I have written.

I almost deleted the entire manuscript, but I pulled back in the end. But as it is now, I will probably scrap the whole thing and write from the beginning all over again. This kind of sucks, because by my reckoning, I am already 80% complete with the writing. And I stopped all my freelance works just to focus on writing this book. And now I’m planning to can the whole thing.

So, I am leaving the manuscript alone and taking a break from writing. Have been doing so for a few weeks already, actually. I think I want to leave it alone, and then read it again and see if I like it more. If I still don’t, then I will re-write (or maybe just give up).

I’m such a f**king idiot…

Anyway, enough of self-pitying. Let me show you my dinner today. Actually, this is more for my mom’s eyes. Lately, the only food pictures that I have posted on Facebook and Instagram were those meats and buffets and whatnot, and my mom was (probably still is) under the perception that those were the only things I have been indulging in.

The thing is, I actually don’t cook every day. In fact, the days when I don’t cook are more than the days when I do cook. Most of the time, when I don’t cook, my dinner looks something like this.

DSC_0015 (1024x576)

Yeah. Instant organic oats with a bunch of other stuff. Tonight raisins and dried apricots are on the menu. Sometimes it would be a banana, or strawberries, or blueberries, or apples, etc. I can hardly blog or post instant oats pictures on Instagram frequently, can I? That would be so boring!

I don’t do overnight oats by the way. I dislike cold oatmeal, they make my tummy uncomfortable. I prefer warm oatmeal. That’s why I prefer instant oats, where I can just pour hot water over them, stir for a bit, add a bunch of stuff to make a more tasty meal, and eat.

Anyway, I think that’s all I am going to write today. I guess I’ll hunt up some funny videos on Youtube to watch and loosen up myself…

36 Comments

  1. I love oats…and overnight oats is awesome. I have not make it for quite some time since most of the ingredients like seeds and nuts price have gone up. I have to save up and go for cheaper option. I also bake less nowadays.

    • Overnight oats sucks for me, it makes my tummy uncomfortable in the morning 😐 .

      That stupid GST really makes our wallet suffer! πŸ™

  2. Snail like progress πŸ™ I’m sure there is some stuff in there that you liked about it. My first book is also coming along at snail pace. I had to force myself to get the first draft done in three months. Ever since I finished it in August, I barely did anything to it. I have just skimmed over what I’ve written and to my horror, discovered that I don’t hate what I’ve written…but I don’t like it either. It’s okay as it is, but the fact that I don’t like it it’s bugging me. Probably you feel this way too.

    Writing a book certainly takes up a lot of time πŸ™ But it’s nice to know that you set yourself certain standards.

    • I don’t know about professional book writers, but I guess this is a common problem if we treat it as a passion project. It is a big deal if we ourselves do not like what we wrote. Probably more so for me. I’m not gonna sell the book, it is going to be available for free, so I don’t really care if other people will like it or not. What I only care about is whether I like it or not.

      • My hat’s off to you for not selling the book, not even for the least bit of profit. I would totally buy it if you put a price on it, though. After all, I stuck around your blog for a while already and your writing hasn’t put me off πŸ˜€

        “What I only care about is whether I like it or not.” You summed up how I feel about my book that I’m working on. It may very well be the only book I put out, and I want to do it right and be comfortable with it. Perhaps that’s the case with you too…but then again, we all have our own reasons for writing a book.

        • Well, I don’t plan to sell the book, but who knows, it might end up being like The Martian. If book publishers look for me, I’ll be an idiot to turn it down, right? That’s a big IF though. πŸ˜›

          Yes, we do have our own reasons for writing a book. As long as we stick to it, I guess it will be fine sooner or later.

  3. Don’t be so hard of yourself! Personally, I think it means that you have evolved as a writer.

    I think the same thing that you are experiencing happened to me. I feel my writing style and ‘voice’ changed over the course of my book. The pages I thought were amazing are now the ones that are going through serious revision. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and you will figure out what direction to take.

    So, DON’T delete it!

    • I think you are right. I think this is exactly what I am going through right now. No worries, I’ve taken a few days to cool down and I don’t think I will scrap this thing. It will just take longer than expected.

  4. Dont even remind me about snail like progress. My novel hasnt increased by any word since 2013! I dont even dare to check the word document anymore, it just makes me sick especially thinking how much time I invested into it…

  5. Oh dear. You need a wife so badly who can write and cook for a lazy man.
    Many book authors engaged writers to writer for them. You didn’t like what you wrote simply because you are not a creative writing expert. You have good ideas and facts to support your book but you need a writer.

    • I don’t need a writer. I am the writer. I don’t write this book for the same reasons that others write their books.

  6. Don’t take it so hard on yourself!! Seriously!! I have heard other bloggers trying to write books and they all go through the same frustrations. Writing and deleting and rewriting. And scraping their ideas and thinking of new ones. At least you have the gall to try. I finally have a book idea now but still scared to even try to write a book. Often, we’re our own hardest critic! If you ever want someone to proof read and give you an opinion, I’m here! πŸ™‚

    • The thing is, my reason for writing a book is totally different compared to the reason most other bloggers have. I’m not worried about how well it will be received. The only person’s opinion that matters is mine alone. Well… I don’t think I will give up though. I’ll just take a step back and relax for a bit, and then come back to it.

  7. I like oats since I was a baby. As long as it is oats, I don’t mind whether it is cold or hot. I love my oats with chia seeds and raisins. I always stock up raisins and oats in my kitchen cabinet.

    • I have the same relationship with pork. As long as it is pork, I don’t mind whether it is souped, steamed, grilled or fried. πŸ˜€

  8. Maybe you were not in a good mood when your reviewed your manuscript, hence the unfavorable feel. Just wait a while and then look at it again with fresh eyes. Perhaps you will feel differently. I am looking forwards to reading your finished product, though it may not be completed so soon πŸ™‚

    I love overnight oats and can’t seem to get tired of it.

    • Yeah. At least not in a few months time. I think we should just forget about it, and maybe some day I will surprise you all.

  9. We are our biggest critics. I’m sure many of us look back on some of our earlier blog posts and think the writing wasn’t good enough. That’s what we do, we (and our writings) change and improve as we move forward. Don’t need to delete or re-write, just re-edit here and there and it should be fine. Good luck!

  10. Good luck on writing the book, remember last time I also have the same thought, but ended up too many stuffs to work on, so I gave up! All the best to you!

  11. Don’t delete lah, your hardwork in it leh, why not publish and let everyone here give their feedback…

  12. If the book is as good as your blog writing, then there is still hope. If it is not, then pls stick to cooking oats πŸ˜›

    But on a serious note, we are our worst critics. It might not be that bad after all. Do give it sometime and re-read your manuscript. You might be blown away! πŸ™‚

  13. Writers don’t write best sellers by themselves. They have editors and proof readers to help them restructure their materials and give them feedback. Perhaps you can have your close friends or maybe strangers like us read your draft and give you feed back. Please don’t delete your hard work and effort. Eh, instant oats with different toppings make good instagram photos – very colourful with strawberries, blueberries, banana and etc.

    • The thing is, I’m not going to sell this book, so I’m not going down the bestsellers path. I only do this to please myself, and I am displeased now, so…

  14. keep the existing manuscripts and fine tune on it from time to time probably this will help..Oats are healthy, I have been telling myself to take oats for meals especially for lunch in the office, I still have not done so.

    • I don’t think I can handle oats for lunch too. I think lunch is one meal where we can go heavier, it is better to have light meals for dinner when our body is winding down for the day.

  15. relax relax little boy, have your oats and wind down a little.. the more you think the more you got stuck probably?? hmmm, maybe you can just compile your blog posts into a book, and see, you’ve got one instantly!! πŸ™‚

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