Cooking is Hazardous!

Today I was handing something to someone and he noticed a black spot on my finger.

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Someone: What’s that? Dirt?

Me: Nope, it’s dried blood.

Someone: How did it get there? What happened?

Me: I accidentally kissed the finger with a knife when removing garlic skin with the knife still in hand.

Someone: Bloody hell, that’s why we don’t cook! Cooking is filled with hazards like this! And you still blog about how cooking is easy!


So, yeah, today I learned that I have another silent reader, and was berated for misleading people into thinking that cooking is easy and safe. Sorry mates, let me try to make amends by telling you all the truth..

The truth is, cooking is a dangerous activity, fraught with peril. You need to deal with sharp knives and boiling oil. At any moment, you might accidentally chop your hand off when your concentration stray. Or your face might get hit by boiling oil and you might end up needing plastic surgery. It’s not safe to cook, better don’t cook if you can help it..

Since I’m on it, I think I should also warn you against other dangerous activities..

Eating is a dangerous activity. You need to focus on munching until the food is dissolved enough to swallow. If you lost concentration on munching, you might accidentally swallow the food while still solid and end up choking yourself. You might suffocate and die due to the perils of eating. It is not safe to eat, better avoid eating if you can..

Driving is a dangerous activity. You need to absolutely focus on all angles: the front, the back and on both the sides. One moment of distraction is all it takes for you to crash into a motorcycle or worse, to crash into a tree. You might die from the accident. It is not safe to drive, better avoid driving at all costs, it is best to just walk..

Car crash

Actually, no. Even walking is a dangerous activity. You need to keep your eyes open and your body balanced. If you are not paying attention, you might step on a rusty nail, infecting your leg and ending up having to have the leg amputated. Imagine living that terribly inconvenient life because of one small accident. It is not safe to walk, better to sit on a wheelchair and have everyone push you around instead. Then the risk on stepping on a rusty nail is transferred to your personal wheelchair chauffeur..

Is there any other dangerous activity that you can think of? Might as well warn each other off in advance. Sharing is caring, right? 😉

 

32 Comments

  1. Your injured finger gave me goose bumps! I had many accidents and falls in my whole life that my bones creak today. So I wish you safety in all your undertakings.
    I have a long list of good and weird silent readers too who sent me many emails. Sometimes I thought of blogging about them one by one but they would read it again and harass me perhaps!

    • Nah, if they are silent readers, they probably wouldn’t want to be identified in the blog. Even if you post their mail and crop out their names, it would make them uncomfortable. Best not to do it!

  2. Love it. Briliant train of thought. Everything we do is dangerous. Everything we do, there is a degree of risk to it, risk that something will go pear shape and probably upset us forever. Looking at computer – can go blind. Talking – can swallow saliva the wrong way and choke. Sleeping – may never wake up.

  3. Talking is dangerous, especially for people who have no filter. Watching TV is dangerous as it may hurt your eyes. Using smartphones in the dark is dangerous as well – apparently, a teenager in Taiwan is now blind because of it. Doing nothing is dangerous because it gives you too much time to procrastinate and think. Buying anti-aging cream for your wife is dangerous because she may take it the wrong way!! 😉 Boy, I am on a roll….

  4. hahahaha! Appreciate the sarcasm there 😀 I get cuts all the time.

    Anyway, baking is also hazardous. You could forget to switch off the handmixer and accidentally turn it on when you are removing the beaters and hurt your finger very badly. Imagine how bloody that would be!

  5. Errr talking and blogging are dangerous too, can ‘dak jui’ ppl without intention and then kena bomb balik when they gang up and bang you, ooops, did I just say gang & bang? Oh yes, dried blood, I always get that, when I hit my toes at the door, hou hou hou painful, hate that 🙁

  6. Great argument! That someone should go and look for a cave somewhere and hide inside…but even that may be dangerous – dunno what wild animals may join him in there…and he’d die of starvation since he does not cook! Tsk! Tsk! I guess it takes all kinds to make the world.

  7. when we are born into this world we are exposed to lotsa harm and dangerous germs…better not to be born into this world at all?!

    anyhow, we humans are not retards, we hav the capability to a certain extend to avoid dangers/harms.

    • In the same spirit of sarcasm that I used to write this post: Yes, you are absolutely right! Better not be born into this world at all! 😀 😀 😀

        • I sometimes have the same thought: maybe I will not have kids, since everyone says the world is dying. Why bring a kid to a dying world?

          My mom can never know this thought. She always complained: 你们是要给我死了都抱不到孙才甘愿是不是?!

    • Serious answer:
      The highest risk of oil popping, I think, is when we start the cooking process, throwing the garlic and onion into the oil, right? That’s because we like to heat the oil first, hot oil hit with water (wet ingredients) will cause that oil popping reaction. To overcome that, you can consider putting the garlic and onion into the oil first before you turn on the heat. This way they will saute while the oil heat up slowly and the oil won’t pop. Of course the fragrance will be only like 70-80%, but then, homecooking, don’t be so rigid lah..
      And, olive oil typically doesn’t pop as much as normal cooking oil..

  8. Agreed that eating is dangerous but it is even more dangerous not to eat unless one wants to die purposely lah, of course. But not cooking will not die one wor.

  9. LOL!! Thanks for a good laugh!
    Going to the beach is dangerous (might drown), hiking (might get eaten by a cougar), playing any sports (might break stuff), knitting (might poke an eye out)…. all dangerous. Best to just stay at home all day, everyday, and order delivery soup or any other kind of foodstuff that don’t require chewing. 😛

    • Even staying home can be a risk, if you are living in a place with natural disasters. You might go to sleep and the earthquake will make your house collapse and kill you! 😀 😀

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