How Not To Bake A Blueberry Cheesecake

I actually did not want to blog about this. But then, I posted a photo on Facebook, I figured it is rude to not show the complete story. As you can see from the title, this one does not have a happy ending as well. Brace yourself.


I suppose you can say that I am getting more and more addicted to baking cakes, judging by the fact that I am baking trying to bake a cake for the second consecutive weekend. The fact is, this is actually another clearing the fridge activity. I am going to move houses, and I really don’t want to move that many things. Especially the foodstuff. I would very much prefer to consume whatever food I have here rather than bringing them over to the new place. New place equals new noms, there is no place for old food there.

I still have half a jar of the blueberry jam and half a block of Parmesan cheese left, and I thought it would be a good idea to bake a blueberry cheesecake out of them. So, blueberry cheesecake it is.

Blueberry cheesecake
First I have to turn the half block of cheese into finely grated cheese

I know, I know, all those cheesecake recipes call for cream cheese to be used. But I ain’t got no cream cheese, so screw that shit. I’ll do whatever I want, use grated Parmesan and just pray for the best.

When I was going to prepare the batter, I also realized that I only have less than a fifth of the wholemeal flour left, about 150g if you ask me to estimate. I also only have 1 egg left, and I also only have about 100g of butter left. So they all went into the cake batter. Perfect.

I was watching some videos last night about Jamie Oliver’s The Big Feastival where he got all his Food Tube personalities to do live open air cooking demonstration. I watched Cupcake Jemma make Oats and Dates Muffin and thought it was a pretty good and healthy idea to put oats in my cake as well. Of all the Food Tube personalities, I love Gennaro and Cupcake Jemma the most.

So in went the oats to the batter. Just to hoodwink myself that my cake is healthy food if nothing else.

Blueberry cheesecake
The batter + grated cheese and blueberry jam

Here’sย my agak-agak (approximate) recipe..

Ingredients:

  • About 150g wholemeal flour
  • About 100g butter
  • 1 egg
  • About 100g grated Parmesan cheese
  • Half a jar of St Dalfour blueberry jam
  • About 50g of caster sugar –ย I planned to have the blueberry jam provide most of the sweetness, and the less sugar the better
  • About 100g ofย organic instant oats
  • A cup of warm water – because Jemma used it, and because I had no milk

Procedure:

  • Grate the Parmesan cheese.
  • Prepare the loaf pan by oiling the surface with butter. Be generous with the oiling, else the cake will stick when baking!
  • Mix the flour, butter, egg, caster sugar, oats and warm water into large mixing bowl and whisk for 10 minutes, or until the batter is thick and fluffy.
  • Add the grated cheese and blueberry jam into the batter and whisk again until the the cheese and jam seems properly diluted.
Blueberry cheesecake
First sign of trouble

When I was staring at the blue-purple hybrid colored batter, I belatedly recalled that blueberry cheesecake does not look like what I imagined.

This is a blueberry cheesecake

A blueberry cheesecake is a cheesecake with blueberry topping. It is not a blueberry infused cheesecake. Oh dear…

By the way, when searching for this blueberry cheesecake photo, I discovered another cooking blog. Doesn’t seem to have any comments, not sure whether the blog is well known or not, but some of the recipes there are pretty neat and I might try some of them out. If you are into cooking you might want to check it out. Say hello to Sek Pau Mei? ๐Ÿ˜€ .

Okay back to my own cake…

  • Pour the batter into the loaf pan, and whack it into the oven. 170 degrees Celsius.
Blueberry cheesecake
An hour in the oven

I think I made too much batter. It filled up the whole loaf pan. When the hour was up, the cake looked alright. But when I poked a fork into the cake, I get some liquid stuck onto the fork. This meant the cake is not done yet. So I set the oven for another 10 minutes. And then another 10 minutes. And then another 10 minutes. And still my cake is liquid-y on the inside. The crust was beginning to emit the burnt smell. I figured something must be wrong. Time to turn off the oven, get the cake out and perform autopsy.

Blueberry cheesecake
Oh dear..

As you can see, my cake turned out to be a pile of oatmeal inside a charred crust. The crust is not edible anymore, too charred, too hard and too bitter to consume, and it is a surefire way to cancer.

This isn’t going to work out into what I want it to be, is it?

At this point of time, I’m not sure what to do to salvage the cake, so I did the only sensible thing that I can think of. The lump of oatmeal seems pretty edible to me, and it is actually emitting a decent fragrance. I dug the lump of oatmeal out, whatever that’s available to dig. There’s not very many of it, just enough portion to make my Sunday brunch. The rest of the corpse had to go to the bin, unfortunately.

Blueberry cheesecake
Blueberry cheese lump of oatmeal

Well, let’s look on the positives. I learned a few things here:

  1. A noob should do what a noob should do, and that is to refer to specific recipes when it comes to baking. Don’t overestimate yourself.
  2. I guess I made the cake too thick and used the wrong temperature setting. Refer to point #1.
  3. The lump of oatmeal actually tasted pretty awesome. I think if I get it right, I would have a decent cake.

Still, I am rather depressed. I was actually hoping to bake a nice cake, cut it up and share with some friends and colleagues. As it is, I am only able to share my failure story and show you how NOT to do things.

And I am probably done with cake baking attempts for awhile. At least until I am done moving house and settle down properly. And gotย some time off toย nurse my bruised ego for a bit. ๐Ÿ™

18 Comments

  1. that pile of ermmmm…..looks terribly awful…LOL…
    well, nothing to lose…u gained experience from it. Surprisingly it taste awesome…mayb u should bake summore of this ???blueberry cheese lump of oatmeal?

    • LOL! Who in their right frame of mind would purposely bake a lump of oatmeal? Just pour hot water and make it instantly lah! ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. you definitely have earned 200% for your courage and determination and passion over this baking, if not for the look and the taste!! muahahahaha~~ ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. I like this post wor.. At least you are not afraid to post it out.. Like I always say, your blog, your cake, your like, your sukak! I dont really like to read those perfect punya cake picture punya blog, like so fake.. Feels like they spent the entire day decorating that piece of cake on the nicest plate on earth, with cute fancy accesorries around that plate.. But yours, very original, I like.. If I’m you, I’ll finish the parmesan with pasta, the jam with bread and the flour+egg with pancake ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I know, something must have possessed me to waste all those ingredients with a half-assed attempt to bake cake ๐Ÿ˜

  4. Never mind, keep trying. You’ll get it right in the end. I tried once, making a cheesecake – messed up with the gelatin – did not set too well and used too much cheese. After the second bite, already put off by the richness. Gotta try baking a cake one of these days – see if mine is worse than yours or not. I’m hopeless at recipes, will never follow to the letter. Hehehehehe!!!!!

    • I highly doubt so. At least you’re a more experienced cook than I am. I am looking forward to see your post about it! ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. I agree that you should finish up all perishable stuffs so that you have less to move. I guess with cakes you do have to follow some basic principles. I guess your cake batter is too wet. When the outside is cooked and inside not cooked you could have switched strategy and smashed the whole thing up and mixed them again to reshape into flat oat cookies and bake again. This way it won’t be burnt outside. I used to help my sister bake cakes and cookies when I was young. So did your oats taste of blueberry and cheese?

    • LOL, you are right! But then I didn’t know, I just thought my cake was not ready, until it was too late. Well, lesson learnt.
      Yes, the oats taste great to be honest. Enough cheesy and blueberry flavor in it. I think if I attempt this cake again with the right methods, the cake would be awesome..

      • Yes, please try again at your new place. I am sure if you follow a basic recipe even though you may cut a few corners here and there, the cake would turn out to be superb. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Auuwwww….don’t be so discouraged! Don’t let that sorry mess of a blueberry cheesecake dampen your enthusiasm. With baking, unless you already have a basic recipe, you can’t “agak-agak” your way through. I have had my fair share of baking failures too and I have thrown away many of my disasters. I still have disasters even with cooking. That’s how we learn. Whatever it is, I enjoyed reading this post ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I wanted to write on your FB that it actually looks delicious but then I clicked the post… at least you tried! we should open a youtube channel ‘how not to cook’ – it looks similar to the egg tarts I tried to make XD

    • I actually set the feature image to be something else, but couldn’t get it to work, that picture was an example of a good cheesecake.
      No, I don’t want to be part of that Youtube channel, it would be so pathetic! But I think it would be a massive success if you do open one ๐Ÿ˜€
      I want to see your egg tarts. Egg tarts is pretty tough to make, the dough needs delicate process, and so many layers to put on, much easier to buy instead ๐Ÿ˜

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