Arsenal Know-How: St Totteringham’s Day

As a fervent Arsenal supporter, every year there are 2 football related festivals that I will celebrate with fervour. The first and foremost, St Totteringham’s Day. And then, the new English Premier League season’s big kickoff in August. The worst day is the last day of the season in May, because it signals the beginning of a 3 months period where our weekends suddenly become empty. Most of us will feel sad and insufferable, some will go into depression, a handful might even go into withdrawal symptoms. Sure, every 4 years there’s the World Cup in the off-season, but that circus show is infested with rampant matchmaking that it is never exciting enough.

So, in conjunction with the FA Community Shield tomorrow which signals the unofficial start of the new season, I reckon I should write a bit about my beloved club, hopefully to educate some of my newer readers.

Let me first tell you about St Totteringham’s Day. It is the most important day for any Arsenal supporter, anywhere around the world. You see, there are 38 games played by 20 teams over the entire football season from August till May the following year. Every win is worth 3 points, draw 1 point and lost 0 point. After the 38 games, the team with the highest points tally will be crowned champion of the English Premier League. St Totteringham’s Day occur on the day when Arsenal has achieved an unassailable lead over Tottenham Hotspurs in the league. For example, on the day of game 30, there would be 8 games left to play, and Arsenal has 25 points more than Tottenham, then that is St Totteringham’s Day. On that day, Arsenal supporters all over the world will unite to rejoice. Eat, get drunk, be merry, and mock Tottenham fans all day and all night long.

No, wait, the mocking part actually happens all year long 😀

St Totteringham's Day
Courtesy of

Arsenal fans have always hated Tottenham fans ever since the dawn of mankind. We call them by many names, for example:

  • The Spuds
  • The Noisy Neighbors
  • The Hotshits
  • Totscums
  • etc

You see, both clubs are located in North London. We hate them for many things, obviously, but what we hate most is when the tabloids, the Scums themselves, and all other outsider fans always refer to “The great rivalry between both the North London clubs“.

This is the ultimate insult to any Gooner (official Arsenal fan). What rivalry are you talking about? Rivalry implies both clubs have similar stature and strength and is able to fight it out evenly against each other. What a big fat lame joke! The Spuds have always been inferior to us, all they are capable of is make noise and live in their own deluded world or grandeur. Even if they spend 100 million pounds more than us, they will still be a small club, forever in the shadow of the Gunners greatness. THERE IS ONLY 1 (ONE) BIG CLUB IN NORTH LONDON! Refer to picture above as proof.

Comparing the Totscums to Arsenal is the same as comparing a Volkswagen Beetle to a Bugatti Veyron. A Beetle will always be a Beetle, no matter how much after market parts you add to it, how many turbos you latch on to it, it will never be able to stand up to a Veyron. It is just logically impossible!

If you don’t understand the Beetle and Veyron comparison, then another way is to compare a Padini tote bag and a Prada tote bag. No matter how hard Padini works, how much they invest in their new concept stores, Padini will forever be Padini, it will not be the same class as Prada. Just like the Totscums will never be the same class as the Arsenal. Got it? Got it?

That is why we super duper uber hate the Noisy Neighbors. And St Toteringham’s Day is the day where they can no longer talk us down to the same level as their pathetic club for the rest of the season. Peace for the moment. That is why that day is a day worthy of partying with reckless abandon.

Tottenham Hotspurs, it’s happened again, it’s happened again~~ 😀

St Totteringham's Day
Courtesy of


  1. Hah would lovw to read your story on why and how you ended up being an Arsenal diehard fan.

    I follow epl too mainly because I need to play fifa ps4 games with my spouse. we are not fans of any clubs. When I was in UK I was asked by my coworkers about which club I support and I cincai answer Chelsea. Hahaha we all have a good laugh because I know nothing about Chelsea.

    • When I started to watch EPL, it was always MU vs Arsenal. It was the 90s, Liverpool were on the decline, Roman Abramovich has not bought Chelsea yet. All my friends were MU supporters back then, because they only support the winning team. I am sort of the rebel, so I supported the other side. Have been supporting them ever since. Of course them playing attractive and attacking football, as well as going unbeaten for 49 games helped strengthen the support as well 😉

  2. Ok, then I would not say anything about two words meaning shithole in one name. Mushahahahahahaha!!!! But you will like this one, I suppose:
    Once, a pastor was presiding over a gay wedding and once the vows, rings and everything had been exchanged…he said, “…and now I proclaim you…..!!!” There was an awkward silence for a while and he continued, “Man United!!!”

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